dazzledolphin

2007-01-28T15:47:00.000+08:00

seems like years since i've updated cause i'm not allowed to use the com, courtesy of my brother. so many things have happened and i dont know where to start and i'm so lazy to type.i've finally found a motivation to go to school, but hey lets not make guesses.
i realised it kinda hurts when the people close to you GET hurt and you can't do anything to help. oh man the feeling really sucks.

i need to let go.

2006-11-11T00:03:00.000+08:00

when a particular song
reminds you of a particular someone
its the last thing i need
and it keeps replaying in my head

i'm beginning to get irritated
when i didnt hope for it this way
could things have gotten better?
or did i take the wrong step.

starting to question
was it all a scam
wanting to find the long lost passion

another time i dreamt of you
and woke up crying
pretty weird scenario
its been a while

2006-11-05T22:03:00.000+08:00

everytime it gets worse
everytime you fail to realise
everytime its all back to square one

everytime i look at you
i fall deeper in
i feel afraid now.
my self esteem's brought dOwn
to a zero
things wouldnt n would NEVER happen
its all my imagination
and wishful thinking

friends around seem to
be leaving me day by day
i NEED them back

things would have been way
different with you
by my side

2006-10-28T22:14:00.000+08:00

i've always thought that words could conquer
almost everything.

i've always thought that once
a mistake is made
it is unlikely to commit the same one again.

i've always thought that friends
would be there for u no matter what.

i've always thought that things
would always turn out for the better.

but as the nightmare begins
i'm starting to lose faith
all i find is a door closed
but don't take me for real
like you always do.

2006-10-27T11:55:00.000+08:00

sometimes i even wonder if all this is true
if i'll ever get through it
or will history repeat itself for the second time
i anticipate
but i convince myself further
yet i dread it happening

and it gets so unfair when you know
things aren't the way they are SUPPOSED to be
i NEED entertainment

i dont even wanna look into your eyes

2006-10-24T21:09:00.000+08:00

it was supposed to be a great day ahead
met eling at airport to buy lunch (romantic)
went simyee house to watch VCD
when everyone was blaming me
for not telling them the ending for HIDE N SEEK
during the show
ate dinner at katong
KATONG LAKSA!
but you just had to ruin it
i wonder if you EVER bother to listen to me
i need a shoulder to cry on

2006-10-23T00:00:00.000+08:00

came across this song while i was sitting in the car

Seems like it was yesterday
When I saw your face
You told me how proud you were,
But I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside
But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
'Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself..
By hurting you

hurt-by Christina Aguilera

went compass with eling today
went swimming with mother
did op slides
did I and R
oh gosh i hate PW
and my shoulders are aching real bad now
the weather is freaking hot and
i'm freaking pissed with you
and i promise not to ignore sharissa again
maybe..

2006-10-21T08:40:00.000+08:00

seems like the world whole is posting their results online
well mine have NOTHING to be proud of
in fact i think it kinda..
okay shall not elaborate

GP-C
ECONS-S
GEOG-E
LIT-S (bloody hell)
MATHS-E

considering i didnt really
don't really wanna say that word
in case i'll probably get killed by passerbys
even though i somehow met the promotional criteria
it kinda sucks when you know ur close friends
are in a dangerous zone
and i can only hope for the best
cheerios

2006-10-15T21:09:00.000+08:00

seriously it has reached the limit
for the umpteen time i've tolerated
and its gotten into my head
you caused me everything
with all your selfishness, self-centredness and lies
which you conveniently shove onto me
don't think this is gonna end
when i expose you with all your wrongdoings
spare me the agony
when i find it so hard to even look into your face
i get so disgusted
don't try to tell me things that i know
take a look at yourself and your life
and stop bothering about mine
save all that talk and preaches
when actually its all empty talk
when you do the same
FUCK YOU

2006-10-12T00:40:00.000+08:00

wonder what i'm doing here in the wee hours of the night
well maybe it isn't really THAT late
but late enough for me though
starting to feel not so right again
when i hate that certain feeling
it seems to be haunting me every now and then
my mind's subconsciously blocking off all the thoughts
call me sensitive
but the heavy burden isn't lifted
just let it go
when i don't even know what your mind is thinking
just want to be free from all this
maybe i'll take a different approach
some scars can't be seen
i know what you think of me

2006-10-07T14:35:00.000+08:00

didnt wanna want you
didnt wanna need you so bad
didnt wanna wake up
and find that i was falling so fast
didnt wanna need you
didnt wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done
just some RANDOM lyrics from a song
don't get me wrong
i'm just glad promos are over
but yet afraid to deal with the horrible truth
of maybe losing every battle
but now the only thing i can so is wait
so while i enjoy,
i could sit here and probably wait for my doom
but at least i really enjoyed yesterday at the beach
long time since i've truly let go.
thanks to eling sharissa angela jason simyee siewming
for making my day wonderful yesterday.

2006-09-27T21:02:00.000+08:00

now i finally understood

when i see nothing in your eyes

i'm screaming inside

take me to the past

when everything seemed so right with you

but now

only heartaches

i only wanna be a friend

2006-09-27T20:54:00.000+08:00

now i finally understood..

can't believe its already thursday tomorrow

i wonder if my feelings are justified

when time after time i'm disappointed

i feel so umcomfortable nowadays

and really

who am i to you?

when i see nothing in your eyes

2006-09-25T11:11:00.000+08:00

its been so long
and i'm still playing ur guessing game
i hope it ends real soon
i dont want this friendship to end

2006-09-22T19:48:00.000+08:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

next week is practically the last days to study and

i'm not even halfway thru.

i'm confused about myself

every single day i seem to be doing the wrong things

saying the wrong words

upsetting people around me

coming home where all i get is ....

now i'm so umcomfortable with the way i am

the way i keep making you angry

i think i can sense ur unhappiness with me

and i'm gonna do all i can to solve it

even if it doesn't work

or i'm just being paranoid

i cant afford to lose this friend at all

totally CANT

2006-09-17T20:44:00.000+08:00

i thought i would feel better about it

but i know nothing's gonna change

its all gonna be back at one once school starts

i'm apprehensive

please calm my nerves

is it wrong to feel possessive when it comes to friends?

make that feeling go away

make the meaning of the song come back

i am here for you

2006-09-15T21:29:00.000+08:00

maybe its my sensitivity

maybe i'm just overreacting

maybe its just an illusion i shuld forget

everytime in your presence i feel inferior

the weather was just too perfect for me today

i really wonder

what goes through your mind

i feel myself feeling insignificant to you

yet others seem a great deal to you

maybe its because we are TOO comfortable with each other

the way i'm treated pales so much in comparison

to OTHERS

i really wonder

why do i ponder over this

why my heart aches everytime i think about it

why everyone else can be nonchalant about it

but not me

everyday the same things bobs up in my head

please make that feeling go away

i already felt i did my best

and i always get a glance of him ONCE a day

thats bad

the song no longer has its meaning

2006-09-13T19:22:00.000+08:00

A302 is in the middle of a financial crisis

we totally have NO money to pay for everything

the class fund totally owes the whole world money

someone donate to our fund

OOPS

not forgetting

today is ELING-GO-HOME-ALONE-DAY

all her fault she thinks we ps her

FINE

i shall not elaborate

today was basically unproductive

probably i'm too sensitive

i really hope sometimes you don't really mean what you say

2006-09-11T19:13:00.000+08:00

hello?YES! WE NEED HELP TO GET OUT OF MJ!

smile!

today is LOVE SHARISSA DAY!

alright alright

the irony of it being on sept 11.

isn't it easier to remember?

next year we shall have it again if we remember

eling made a card for her, awwww.

we should also have a

love eling day

love dazzle day

love diane day

so sharissa, your job to go and plan okay?

OMG

can't believe its already been almost the end of J1,

well ALMOST.

after three weeks then PROMOS

damn,these days are gonna be hell fer me

hopefully won't be in J1 again, dread that immensely horrible feeling

i've been so short tempered nowadays

get irritated by the slightest thing

sorrie mum for doing this to you

sometimes i wonder what i mean to you

we seem so close at times

yet some of ur words hurt me

when you feel like it, its all sweet talk and actions

when you don't i'm like a pest to you

sobs

2006-09-06T21:43:00.000+08:00

i swear

he's really the one

one of the few chinese guys who can pull it off

with the long hair

really small eyes

singing english songs

be a rocker

and still look so bloody hot

OMG.

bring me to the A&E please

i'm starting to hyperventilate

not REALLY into this singapore idol thingy like

go for every roadshow and scream my head off at the studio next to gurmit singh

just enjoying myself at the comfort of my own home

feeling the power surge on my face as he sings into my heart

eh dont talk like he your boyfriend leh

STOP IT DAZZALYN

he's too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you

especially after today's performance

if he doesnt win it..

i'll jump off the building!!!

did i mention it was one-storey?

okay nvm

ironic thing today was i actually enjoyed PW

even though it was sooo tiring (from 845am-215pm)

happy day!

nononon not forgeting adding to my happy day was

1.receiving an email from my beloved jo

2.calling sharissa up and complaining to her about stuff

3.meeting mel and eling (two cutest pple in my life)

i am off...

2006-09-04T20:01:00.000+08:00

i guess its time for me to retreat

before i explode

so many things i'm pisssed offf with

firsttly about people not putting effort in our class

wad i mean is, dont bother to be part of us

the lying

oh yeah the lying is really too much

give me an escape please

and why do i always have to play the bad guy?

when everyone is doing the same thing

makes me wonder wonder wonder

2006-08-31T23:41:00.000+08:00

BE YOURSELF DAY!
actually its BEING SOMEONE ELSE
so it kinda needs a change of name
this year's theme was movie mania
and of course,A302
being the creative arts class we are
chose...
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
allrighttttte..
AWWW SO SWEET
arts classes rocks! =)

wait a min,when the hell did they take this?

me,eling,sharissa,cat,kelly

zhizong,SHY,sharissa,S1..(haha)

eling has small eyes

see? i told you

didnt know haris knew how to smile =) haha

betty,me,bazhang(be glad i din write something else)

DAMN,MY FACE LOOKS big

flinstone afiq

HOWDY GIRLS

AFIQ LOOKING AT CHEYAN**

SMILE =)

wad's with the plastic bag ah,yuanxin?

dazzlediane

BANG BANG! darren closed his eyes!

jacob angel-a, simyee, siewming

angela and sharissa

ELING n angela

the trio =)

and again!

k i look spastic

2006-08-29T18:34:00.000+08:00

no longer do i want to drown myself in misery

for the sake of other people's mistakes

done that for too long

wait

did i mention today was a bad day?

oh it freaking is

PW group is nearly falling apart

its time to take matters into my own hands

seriously i would consider miss yeo's suggestion

flare up at me for all i care

well, i always speak words

in the end i lack the courage to carry out

you think i love to do this?

u forced me to

i apologised alr for something i didnt do

and not onli once

you take it for granted

and again talking to me is like asking u to jump off builidings

its really taking a toll on me

cant believe i actually broke down during lesson

its so unlike me

and i've gotta go study for my geog test which is tmr

which i will fail

goodday!

everytime something happens you NEVER get the blame,just because of how you appear to be in front of everyone, in contrast i seem the bad guy always being mean but come on dont you feel a sense of guilt?i remember how you used to PURPOSELY try to talk to ALL THOSE PEOPLE whom i ...its just amazing how it can go so long. i dont deny our frienship but i just need someone who is really honest and genuine to me.

2006-08-26T09:47:00.000+08:00

seems like haven been updating for so long

that mysterious tagger on my blog.

well i'm not that dumb to know who you are

there's a way to find out you know

smile

to start off i've FINALLY got introduced to...

HAHA

courtesy of someone

but at the expense of TWO ICE-CREAMS

i had to treat zhirong and eling

DAMN

why does my life get so sad

but probably i'm just a stranger to him

yesterday was the last day for the J2s in school

kinda will miss seeing them around

dont ask me who

bought our "stuff" for "Be Yourself Day" with shArissa

i think its gonna be cool

for the first time i've seen sharissa so excited about something

which we would think she would find boring/lame

our movie theme is SO EXCITING

pangyu's favourite, we guessed

hahah

you shall see

i DONATED BLOOD YESTERDAY!

cowardly cried but was comforted by eling and jacob

and by almost all the volunteers that were there

the NS men were like shocked and found it so amusing

hello?

i'm here to save a life so dont you dare laugh at me

dont get me wrong

i freaked out BEFORE they even took out the needle

no,to be exact

when they were CHECKING OUT my vein

needles just scare the hell outta me

in the end

the pain was just like a bloody ant bite for me

EMBARRASSING

there's something going on you all THINK i don't know

so lets all just pretend nothing's happening

and NOW

i'll REALLY PUT ON A FACADE

nonono

just to compliment what you all THINK OF ME

when a lie told too often

becomes the bloody truth

your own truth

which hit me really hard

hurt me real bad

gave me sleepless crying nights

you will never know

2006-08-16T20:58:00.000+08:00

probably its just my conjecture

groundless stands and pure speculation

but something tells me

my intuition is right

is it really that hard to get a smile from you

i wonder

i guess i'll need some time to forget

horrible day

mood swings seem to control me more and more

when i find myself getting upset

at the slightest things

slighest words that pple say

slighest actions that you convey to me

all it takes is just one spark

and i'll blow

i need a serious personality adjustment

first stop would be getting out of this bloody school

maybe the only remedy left

take me away with you for a while

probably its my only escape

2006-08-11T19:45:00.000+08:00

just came across this song, first time i saw the lyrics
fell in love with it
i think it totally speaks my heart =)

Dance with my father

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him,
I'd play a song that would never ever end
How I'd love love love, to dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagreeT
o get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my momma said
Later that night, when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

If I could steal
One final glance
One final step
One final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
Cause I'd love love love to dance with my father again

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
I'd hear how my mother cried for him(x2)
I'd pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she' s dying to dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream

2006-08-07T19:35:00.000+08:00

the days seem to be getting longer

nights are probably worse off

everyday is just a showcase of a smile

that maybe shouldnt be there

perhaps insanity has gotten the better of me

may be a good alternative

with that, i'll be oblivious to the devious surroundings

never to listen to the words pple say

its already been too long

why not let the facade continue

at least no one has to bother

discreetly trying to hide feelings

until they're incapable, devoid of emotions

it has already been decided

but i'm still in the midst

of wanting to discover the inner side

it seems all in vain

probably it wasn't even there to start with

a body without a soul

a face masked with happiness, joy, laughter

a heart which has already been empty

too long

let it be

just let it be..

2006-08-04T21:47:00.000+08:00

for those people who commented..

charlene:
01.i think you're incredibly cute, like a mouse!
02.tell mr aeroplane that he's cute
03.yellow
04.i like your bubbly personality that never fails to perk me up
05you and your saying that mr aeroplane looks cute
06.MOUSE
07.did you have a boyfriend before?

eling:
01. you think weird people are cute
02.say hi to the S
03.purple of course
04.i like your HAIR
05.you are wadi's friend
06.dragon
07.which one is the best among the few? hahah

shiqi:
1.i used to think you're the most annoying person
2.to go and kill ******
3.red
4.your encouraging words.
5.you were booing alhena during oriee 1 which made me hate u
6.rabbit
7.what really happened?

sophie:
1.i've known u for like 8 years
2.to be the top fencer in singapore
3.green
4.your even madder than me character
5.we first talking in the library in p3 about twhr
6.kangaroo
7.when you all getting together?haha

zhirong:
1.you actually dont really look like bazhang
2.i dont really need to type it in right
3.orange!
4.your eyes which are as nice as...
5.your SOFT voice which made me notice you in the first place
6.bear
7.so,you do really.....HAHHA

xianzheng:
1.i actually thinkk you're handsome
2.play my instrument
3.green
4.your lovely smile
5.when you changed your hairstyle to a nicer one
6.bird
7.how many girlfriends have you had before?

valerie:
1.lets sing the pledge to miss heng again
2.come back to mj and say hi to EC
3.black
4.your "coolness"
5.that you looked like an ice queen
6.monkey *haha*
7.why do you always look so dao?LOL

wenjian:
1.you like blue things
2.talk to her again
3.blue
4.always willing to help
5.during oriee 1.always on stage
6.polar bear
7.how come i always never see you in the bus?

something random i heard today:

whats the difference btw mjc students and sperms?

out of a million,only one make it.

2006-08-01T11:11:00.000+08:00

...if you comment on this post

01. I'll respond with something random about you.
02. I'll challenge you to try something.
03. I'll pick a colour that i associate with you.
04. I'll tell you something i like about you.
05. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory i have of you.
06. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll ask you something i've always wanted to ask you.
08. You must post this on yours.

2006-07-31T18:59:00.000+08:00

firstly i would like to wish

YEE ZHIRONG a.k.a mingwei's friend

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY!

i know this is a little late

but at least i wished you on the actual day

may all your WISHES [HAHA] come true

and stay happy always k

LOVEYA! :)

i'm sick and tired of all the lies

the criticism, facade

thinking that i'm as ignorant as before

but think again

probably i should be nonchalant

to your outrageous atrocities

turn a blind eye and hope for the best

sometimes being all alone isn't working for me

but then again

what can i do

How You Live Your Life?
You tend to deprive yourself of things you crave, for your own good.You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.
How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howdoyouliveyourlifequiz/">How Do You Live Your Life?

2006-07-26T19:38:00.000+08:00

confusion, distraction, depression

work is killing me

neverending tests, countless tutorials, disgusting EOMs

and if this isnt enough

not to mention i still do not have the slightest idea

which part of you even caught my eye

stole my heart

maybe just a teeny weeny part of it

well, i'm still not sure

maybe infatuation got the better of me

hope i'm doing well in TRYING

to control my emotions

not letting it CONTROL me

i'm so NOT gonna let it happen

but i'm just too conscious of it

c.a.n.t t.a.k.e m.y e.y.e.s o.f.f y.o.u

and if you THINK YOU KNOW who i'm talking about

try harder

hehe

to end off with a slightly happier note

i enjoyed my squash training today

tremendously

hope things wouldnt change

2006-07-21T21:06:00.000+08:00

lazy to type actually

my confirmation pics

just wanna say i love jacob diane jason! whee

the cam-whores

courtesy of jacob's camera

me carrying the sunflowers they bought.so sweet diane looking spastic
me and bruce..hmmm
vision i guess?
smilex! =)
i love this pic!
trying hard to pray for me..
admiring nature ( whatever)
me and cousin charles
whoo!
me and cousin's best fren
hahah guess who, me and brother
i'm walking on sunshine..
jacob asked me to pout..( he was pouting while taking the photo too)

y!
me and my mum
diane jason
lovely diane and .... jacob?
so happy!
two holy guys beside me, what else can i say?

2006-07-19T19:06:00.000+08:00

AWWWWW.found this pic so shall put it up first ( I LOOK IDIOTIC)

is this what i'm really hearing?

i'm bewildered and i admit i'm actually very affected by it

its so frustrating for being maligned

for something you didn't do

or maybe

something you didnt even FEEL

just brings me to the verge of killing

LOL

then again, maybe not

surprises me how people can think so highly of themselves

how people can actually not use their freaking brains

to think!

let the big ego get in the way

when you shouldn't even have any to speak of

the whole thing just brings a chill down my spine

maybe i shouldnt even care

but i cant possibly let it continue!

just mind bobbing and obstructing everything i do now

am i suppose to be cautious or self-conscious?

urgh!

and jacob hasn't sent me the photos!

thanks

yay and i loved bitching with

SHARISSA BANU DIANE ELING RASHIDAH

at least thoughts were not cooped up

and i missed SHAIRAH!

2006-07-12T19:54:00.000+08:00

its been such a long day

tired, had CCA

since i'm in recre

there isnt much motivation whatsoever

i admit i do have a seemingly high amt of interest in the sport

but well, its all been crushed already

since i'm not in the school team

no matter what effort i put in

or even go the extra extra mile

at the end of the day

you find yourself in the same position as you were in 2 years ago

so thought to myself

whats the freaking point

when ur hard work does not equal to anything

school is still a freaking drag

with countless reasons i'm too tired to type

spare me the agony

i dont seem to feel my presence anywhere i go

i guess i'm just omni-present

just like God

wow, the irony of it

but at least i get to indulge

in little pleasures of life once in a while

enjoy

as aidil says "he seems like some greek god"

cheerios

2006-07-07T23:14:00.000+08:00

i was just feeling very emotional

as today wasn't really a good one

sometimes i just wanna laugh it off

but time suddenly transported me to the days when i was in primary sch

i miss the days where we could laugh like nobodies business

and didnt have to care about anything in the world

i miss it when we could sit however we like and let the teachers see almost EVERYTHING

i miss the days where we used to shout so loud in the canteen

that even God was annoyed

we didnt define anything or judge anyone

cause we were simple

simplicity is precious

i miss the days where friendship was just about making friends

with someone who lent you a nice colour pencil

but all this will never be back

i need a time machine

i'd do anything just to go back ten years in time

and now all we're faced is

teachers ragging and chasing our asses off

parents nagging at slighest wrongdoing in your life

friends going and coming in split seconds

stressing with the books

that never seem to stop bombarding our minds

worrying about grades that never seem to rise

dont bother about me

i'm just being random about stuff

just typing whatever comes to mind

and i am off

2006-07-05T15:17:00.000+08:00

the starting of the school day

seems so long that i haven been into proper school

proper lessons

just sitting there and furiously trying to get what the teacher is talking

and starting to know that our results suck to the max

only one person passed in our class for geog

but we still do not know our results

econs according to the teacher

was DISASTROUS

its just weird that i KNOW i'm gonna fail

but i still DONT WANT to fail

and probably things aren't looking too bright for me

in every aspect

you really don't realise the pain you're inflicting on me

maybe thinking its just a period of time

that doesnt matter

well i really dont wanna say more

and dont feel like talking to you at all

in case i flare up

or maybe i shouldn't

Getting angry is punishing yourself for other people's mistakes

i shall always remember that line

and i shall not bother about it

just like how you are doing

and i'll still get along fine with life

i may seem very petty and making a mountain out of a molehill

but you dont feel the pain i do

no you dont

yeahh

tata

2006-06-30T21:45:00.000+08:00

well before i begin my entry i would like to tell eling we WILL

find a day to go out so dont be pissed k?

sorrie yeahhh

today started off with me and diane meeting up at tamp mrt

we were supposed to go out the day before but figured it was alr too late

as we were already in the train we were still deciding where to go

so we chose a random place : bishan

which was quite boring we just ate there and left

went to another random place: novena

i really think we have nothing better to do

so we called haziq ( which was another random thing)

we didnt know why we ever did that

he was also out so in the end met up with him and his fren, prem

prem was really a nice guy ( he's north indian)

and all four of us went to orchard

did some guy shopping which was quite out-of-this-world

went white sands to have dinner at NEW YORK PIZZA
it was all so interesting and fun
i enjoyed myself a lot as well as diane
laughing all the way and gossipping and bitching around
and we walked so much the whole day
our legs were like dying on us
on the whole it was really a pleasure
we thought it would be awkward going out with someone we didnt know
but it turned out much better than we ever expected
and now i still haven went out with shiqi zhirong larre
our DATE together
right shiqi? *grins*
LOL
seems that after exams there isnt much to do at home
besides watching tv
and now i'm gonna watch the match soon!
the only match i've started watching since the world cup started
yeahhh
GERMANY

2006-06-28T19:17:00.000+08:00

FINALLY back from my trip to hell
i already know i'm gonna fail my stupid mid years
and my prayer wasnt answered of MJC being burnt down
i'm beginning to feel that i lack much intelligence
i cant seem to do any paper right
no confidence at all for any paper
i feel so shagged
i cant even stare at the computer screen properly
my eyelids are so heavy they keep wanting to shut
but i'm just glad its all over
*takes a deep breath*
wonder how am i suppose to survive this two years in MJ
or maybe if i'm unlucky
three years
time is passing so quickly
yet so slowly

i feel that i'm drifting away from a lot of people
funny how we used to be quite close
then all of a sudden
seemingly strangers but still are forcing conversations out
i dont fancy that awkwardness
and i really pity that the friendship just disappears like that

2006-06-24T22:19:00.000+08:00

these few days i've been quite busy
DIGGING MY OWN GRAVE
yeah i have
hahah how funny it seems
i am totally absolutely extremely screwed for mid years
maybe the next time i come here it would be how
i get F F F F
for every single subject
and i pray that MJC burns down by monday
which is why i'm looking forward to going church tomorrow
being a better option than trying to squeeze impossible information
into a very small brain of mine
i'd rather spend time asking for God's forgiveness
stupid me
i'm actually already discussing where to go after exams
which i have barely studied on
i have like six consecutive days of holidays
compared to only 3 days of examinations
shiqi suggested the beach
but we dont really exactly know what the hell to do there
alright i think i better go back to digging
hope all of you who put in enough effort
get your desirable results
everytime when i realise i HAVE TO STUDY
its already too late
gosh...

2006-06-21T17:48:00.000+08:00

i think joakim is cute =)

started with a good day
studied with diane around my block area
had fun talking a lot, i enjoyed her company
one of the few people in my life that i could talk so much with
we also witnessed a "break-up" scene from a nearby malay couple
we stared and stared ( discreetly)
there was much crying from both parties- especially the guy
there was pushing here and there, and trynna hold each other back
so drama
if only we could hear what they were saying
at leasst we knew what happened
and wouldnt waste time speculating among ourselves
but it was really interesting to watch
i felt so " kay poh"

the night didnt go so well
was trying to fall asleep
but was awakened by a pretty LOUD discussion my mum and bro had
i had no intention of listening
but curiosity got the better of me
i could hear things were getting heated up
but that was normal, they are too close that they shout at each other all the time
ao i sat on my bed listening thru the door
it was then i realised
it wasnt the first time they had this conversation
probably around the third
i'm always the last to know about everything
or maybe i'm not even SUPPOSE to know
but only thru such ways can i ever find out the truth
both of them sounded logical
each trying to prove their point
but i admit this time i would have to side with bro
i could feel the agony he's going through
of why when other people owe other people money
we are the ones paying the price
we are the ones carrying the huge burden on our shoulders for you
at the expense of our lives
and our family
didnt you ever take into consideration
what would happen to us?
didnt you bother about our future?
they dont even deserve our compassion
at all
if you wanna gamble your life away its your own problem
dont take it out on other people's family
feel as if we owed you in our past life
and think that we are vulnerable
i dont even know whether i should get angry
but knowing that i should be the one having a better life
that we could afford many things
but its all because of you
cause us to remain in such a state
maybe i could forgive you
if only you could pay us back
everything you owe
but i guess its impossible

feels so good to have everything poured out
i feel better now

2006-06-19T21:08:00.000+08:00

i dont know why but this song just keeps playing in my head..sort of getting addicted to it..
yeahhh hahah

i could be the one to take you home

baby we could rock the night alone

if we never get down it wouldn't be a let down

but sugar don't forget what you already know

that i could be the one to turn you out

we could be the talk across the town

don't judge it by the color, confuse it for another

you might regret what you let slip away

Like the geek in the pink

Well like the geek in the pink, yeah

The geek in the pink

it feels so weird that i could remember every single thing you did, every single thing you said to me. it all just felt like yesterday

just like a dream

but sometimes its better not to wake up..

2006-06-16T18:58:00.000+08:00

i'm all alone at home now
kinda like this feeling of being able to do anything i want
under the scrutiny of no one
smiles
heard that we're gonna celebrate father's day at my cousin's place on sunday
not really in the mood to
whats the point
i dread for this day every year to arrive
maybe staying at home would be the best option
pretend i'm sick or something
at least i wouldnt get to see everyone's happy faces
gleefully giving hugs, presents, kisses to their dads
and me?
never ever did get a chance to even celebrate it with him
much less get a present
thinking about it now makes me wanna laugh
hahahahaha
goodbye

2006-06-14T21:35:00.000+08:00

basically a fruitful where there was studying
finally
i think its time to reeally hit the books
or maybe i could choose to die a terrible death
saw a few classmates and anting at prs library
had such a lovely time gossiping with anting
stuff only we knew about
it was a long time since i truly laughed
i felt i was quite mean to judge people
but it was just all so hilarious that it was hard not to continue
later set off for studying with dear zhirong
where the only thing we talked about was...
hahah ( only you knew huh)
well did some mass messaging which was pretty dumb on our part
but well can be childish once in a while
no harm about that
and mind you zhirong HE hasnt darn replied me
you shall part with your money and buy me pocky
i want the chocolate one alright for some reason
LOL

i'm beginning to live my life better
at least i think i am
except for one small thing
i cant seem to get any close to any of my family members
my refuge is my bedroom
where i only get comfort from
they seem to accuse me of every single thing
that goes wrong in the household
nothing i do is right
but what my brother does is
whats the point of studying
getting good results
when at the end of the day
you are just as inferior and discrimminated
they think i'm psychotic
and unfeeling, anti-social, unmannered, irritating
i try my best to communicate
well maybe not hard enough
so what i really hope to achieve is my results so as to show my mum
let her be happy and feel that at least i'm doing something
but all seems to be short-lived
things start to go to normal
and i become the outcasted child once more
they will never ever know
how much i want to change
whats wrong if i'm not that sensous
its just that i express my feelings in a different way
probably too different for people to accept
what do you want me to do if all i hear from all of you
is shouting and ranting at my ears
being so misconceptional about evrything
i've really had enough
but all i hope to do is change
and pray..

just hoping for the day where i'll be reunited with you in heaven

2006-06-12T09:51:00.000+08:00

just got back from my confirmation camp

a really unforgettable experience

apart from making really amazing friends

and sharing their laughters as well as having so much fun together

even though at times it could get quite boring with all the free time we had

i really did enjoy what i did

during the camp there was a lot of reflection we did

about the past 16 years of our lives

what really made an impact

and moulded us to the person whom we are now

i guess the only thing who made an impact on my life

was something happened 10 years ago

but nevertheless

its time to let it go and grow as a person

a lot of times i felt perhaps God wasnt there

but throughout the entire retreat we had

i'm beginning to realise its I that actually closes the door on Him

I that chose to run away from Him

whereas He has never let me go

i've learnt that many things arent part of what we can control about

just ranting about what happened in the past

isnt gonna get me further

i need to get out of this whole black hole thats pulling me away

and learn to love myself, as well as the people around me

not hurting them because of my own selfish reasons

not hurting them because of a stupid word called PRIDE

which keeps me a distance from the rest

i'm trying my very best

and also with the help of above I think i should be able to accomplish

okay back to the point

yupp i'm getting confirmed on 16th july by the archbishop of singapore

in the church of Our Lady Of Perpetual Succour

its kinda an exciting journey to speak of

lets hope after this i would be a witness of God's faith

and moving on to do His work

being a better ME

let's hope i would get blessings from all of you

as i embark on this important section of my life

its time for studying..

seems like something so distant suddenly

i admit i'm being very lazy

but i cant run away from it

so yeahhh mugging timee

and i miss all my friends

yes

ALL OF THEM

2006-06-07T18:24:00.000+08:00

yes i'm back again
seems i didnt update for quite long well my bro din let me use the com
days just keep passing
and i'm feeling worse
its not that i'm not trying to move on
i just cant seem to go past that barrier that i have myself
seeing everyone climbing higher and higher
when i seem to fall deeper and deeper
is it just me
or is it that God doesnt want to give me that chance at all
ive tried to forget but i just cant
i can never be the same again, oh no no no
i heard LTC was fun
something i would give up anything to go for
but yeah i'm not good enough
never will
just never will be up to the mark for anything
just face it okay dazzalyn
you're such a loser
nothing good comes out from you
truth always hurts ha
i really dont want to hear about it anymore
spare me the agony
didnt know i would be so affected

i wont care anymore

2006-06-03T09:24:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a blessed day well at least i thought it was

went out with josephine

we didnt exactly did all that shopping or watching some movie

we just sat down and talked

yeah i didnt see her for a very long time

i even blatantly lied to my mum i was going to school

felt guilty but i wouldnt know when wld be the next time i would see her again

quite torturing i suppose

just wanted to let you know you've held a very special place inside me

that no one could replace

its hard to bring up those matters that were unhappy

cos i guess when we met we had to talk about the happy things in our lives

i'm sorry but there was too much i had to say

with so little time

sincerely pray we would meet again soon

maybe go mug with some guy which we're not even sure if its the same one

hahah i bet you know what i'm talking right now

takecare alright piglet (stop rolling in the mud alright)

alright save my tears for now

i've been thinking a lot about our class

and i've suddenly realised a very important point

which i wouldnt say now, at least not to some

i find it extremely weird and confusing

but cant blame me alright i bet most pple feel the same

at least up till now one does

and there's many more to come

i cant help but laugh to myself sometimes

its really been a tough ride i've been going through

and all i ask is for you to trust me

and stop your accusation against me

for things i never even dreamt of doing

i've been already trying my best

but he always ends up the good guy

when all he does is just negaative things

i think all he knows is to please you

in God-knows what ways you even find appealing

and when i've done so much and put in effort

i'm just brushed aside like some dirt

it wasn't used to be like that

well anyone who wants to go mug during the holidays please tell me alright

if you even bothered to read up till here

because sometimes i seriously need to study with poeple

or i'll probably end up sleeping at home

tell me k

thanks

2006-06-02T09:48:00.000+08:00

this whole week has been such a drag

seems like going to school becomes a chore

and i cant seem to start proper revision on my mid-years

hopefully i'll pluck up the courage to start real soon

or i'll probably be dead by the end of this year

went shopping with eling shairah banu

seems such a out-of-this-world combination

like people whom totally have no link to each other put together

but nothing was awkward about the whole thing which i initially had doubts of

we kinda talked a lot about the recent happenings, and the not so recent ones in our lives

felt that actually we could relate well to each other

especially our opinions about SOME matters *laughs*

and today we also met a hot caucasion guy who brushed by us

didnt really get to admire for too long

but was enough to make our day

eling and shairah both bought clothes from topshop

yeahhh

but before that we had KFC for lunch

totally felt that we're in heaven cos seriously MJC canteen food

i dont really have comments

really enjoyed their company a lot and look forward to more of these outings

where we could really bitch about anything under the sun

and laugh our heads off cause knowing we actually thought the same way

i found out that all of their first impressions of me were negative but about the same

some arrogrant dao girl who doesnt give a damn about pple

i was like huh???i'm dao???? alright maybe my face is structured in a way

that i look arrogrant

hahah my mum always says that

most of the time i'm only stoning

i really hope the days to come would be better and

i hope our class could really turn out much better

seems to be in a mess now

i dun like that feeling

you may not realise it but when u look at the big picture

sucks big time

hahahah i guess i can only pray...

and one more thing

jonathan leong from singapore idol rocks!

like totally he can sing but yet he looks so cheena

voice and face dun really match

he's so humble

just hearing and WATCHING him sing melts my heart

cant wait for him to get into finals which i think he would

yeahh he's the best

even though i'm not such a singapore idol fan but only for him!!

i just need a smile from you

2006-05-30T22:44:00.000+08:00

today was the starting of a series of make-up lectures for a week
nearly fell alseep or wasnt paying attention to anything
was really too tired the reason i do not know why
but only lesson i listened to was GEOG
even though it was H1 GEOG
it totally rocks
GEOG is like the most interesting thing in my life *grins*
i was awake throughout the entire lesson which was quite an achievement
and i was listening with my ears wide open
the following lectures kinda suck
seriously i dont understand the problem with me
i seem to get even more tired this week than i am during normal school days
probably have some disease
well i'm just glad it seems my days are getting better
even though sometimes
i dont really wish for anything
but just happiness
its so hard to get yet so abundant
but i wanna thank the people whom have given me that
my class o6A302,
as well as my beloved PAE 06A202
thanks a lot
tomorrow's my mother's birthday
i'm stuck on what to get her
help me please, but anything i get also doesnt seem enough

i've let her down too much

just listening to the sound of your voice makes me smile

2006-05-29T21:24:00.000+08:00

hahah i would say today was a fruitful and enjoyable day

well not really for the first part of it

i'm kind of screwed up for GP

the only subject that i initially had confidence of at LEAST passing

had our learning journey to the Esplanade

quite boring actually

but i enjoyed indulging in the arty part of it

we took some really funny photos of aidil

and i also heard some really funny and shocking things

which nearly made my lungs burst from laughing

watched x-men 3 which was well, kinda noisy in my surroundings

hahah

people were laughing and sleeping near me while i was busy trynna concentrate on the movie

sharissa was asking so many questions it was so funny

then now's is the most exciting part of my day

while me shairah rashida were on the mrt

this foreigner caught our eye

my goodness he was totally the hottest being on earth

we indiscreetly kept staring at him

until he finally noticed and he was kinda smiling to himself

he even tried to look at us thru the reflection of the window

gosh! we were so embarrassed

but he was with his luggage and all

so we figured it would be the last time we would ever see him again

blatanly kept looking and looking

trust us he was really good-looking and super hot

then came the time where he had to alight at tanah merah

shairah and i went to wave at him when he got out of the train

and he gave this mesmerizing smile

since he had his hands full and couldnt wave

we nearly died of hysteria

and we all decided he was God's gift for women

the one and only eye candy that holds true

and decided to call him the "italian hottie"

which is most apt as he didnt really look english

totally made our day

and it ended with a wide grin

yeahh

2006-05-28T09:41:00.000+08:00

its a great morning

seems so long i havent felt the cold wind brush against my face

makes me feel calm

and appreciate God's wonders =)

we had CIP ystd

a mini-MMM dry-run

there was fun here and there

there were some unhappy moments

i think all of us kinda resented going there

the heat and we were all dying of fatigue and hunger

but i'm glad we held on and completed the whole event

siewming's hug sort of made my day

i'm so sorry if we snapped at each other

i know you and sy have been putting in so much effort on this

and we appreciated it my dears

thanks

went home i felt so tired i dozed off on my bed

only to find myself waking up in the middle of the night around 12

then subconsciously went to dial some number

and talked to him

its not excatly a conversation i guess

but more of i enjoyed the silence

oh gosh i think i made a fool out of myself

shouldnt do that anymore

ystd was a happy day and hope today follows just as fine

GP exam the next day

hope i would survive it and not screw up my ten years of learning english

till then

2006-05-27T08:29:00.000+08:00

i woke up so early today
cant go back to sleep again
moreover there's a mini-MMM later
chanced upon this song and was listening to it
hotel california
i know a lot of people have controversies over this song
saying its santanic or something
but to me, its just a song you liked so much
that i heard you sing so many times while sitting on your lap
and now all that is left is just an empty song
but i know you've been always here with me
taking me through every single trial and tribulation of my life
forgive me for missing you too much
i'm sorry i cant help it
i know you can hear me
forgive me for hating you sometimes
perhaps i'm being too selfish thinking you would forever be at my side
when actually its just an illusion ive been having till now
why did you leave me all by myself
why did you have to go
i blamed God
blamed Him for taking you away
and deprived me of your love, how you used to put me to sleep every night
and now when i cant sleep, there's no one beside me to hold my hand
no one to sing those lullabies i loved so much
no one to kiss my forehead goodnight
could you bear to leave me?
ten years down the road i've been asking myself
of all people why you
why must it be the person i loved most?and who loved me most too
and i couldnt find my answer
only find myself changing for the worse
being someone i'm not
and now i could only pray
pray for a miracle to happen
but everytime i leave the house
i have this feeling what if you suddenly decided to drop by but we're not around
or maybe i would meet you in the next street
call me foolish
looking at the soft toy i got for my birthday from you
all dusty and parts of it falling apart
thinking there're still more birthdays to come
but no
no more
not any more
but i still thank God for giving me the memories to live with
at least up till now they're still vivid in my mind
i'll wait till the day when i meet you
and be that little girl once more
crying in your arms

2006-05-26T22:13:00.000+08:00

it was a fruitful day
i could finally go out with a sense of peace
without having to look at my watch from time to time
worrying whether i'll be scolded when i reach home
mum's away in malaysia
kor kor wouldnt be home until twelve
grandma's at my aunts place
felt relieved
finally watched da vinci code
it was well worth the money
but a test of one's faith
and i passed with an A i guess
had fun with eling siewming simyee shihui jacob
a bunch of funny peeps
but when i reached home
everything starts falling on me again
i'm almost having split personalities
and not knowing when it'll stop occuring
been thinking about stuff evrytime
especially about you
i'm not too sure why you keep bobbing up in my mind for no reason
i'm really afraid
and too scared to know why
i hope to change for the better
at least be less loud cos i guess its irritating
shall keep quiet next time
byee

2006-05-25T22:04:00.000+08:00

when our eyes meet, i know that you're the one
someone i can depend on, for friendship and some fun
to keep me company in both good and bad times
promise me endless care, come rain or shine
nothing can replace your voice in my mind
forever my friend, warm caring and kind =)

today we lost the soccer match finals to VJC

but i never regretted watching it

the soccer players were really admirable

their spirit, their sportsmanship, and of course the tears

was something that touched me

the outcome was something that was only temporary

what matters most was the process which evryone had something to learn from

even though most of us were depressed upon watching the last goal being kicked in

i was glad we still held our head high

and supported them all the way which they truly did deserve

i have never seen so many guys cry all at once

LOL

so sorry but really could feel their passion and sincerity which left me amazed

we actually wanted to cry with them

but hahah

walked such a long time to bugis mrt our legs ached so bad, me siewming eling rashida jeremy

i'm shagged now

yawnz, gotta get some rest

bye.

anyway the italic words above are meant for a special someone, you should know who you are =)

2006-05-24T20:28:00.000+08:00

i lose my way
and it's not too long before you point it out
i cannot cry
because i know there's weakness in your eyes
i'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
every day of my life
my heart can't possibly break
if it wasn't even whole to start with

today was such a tiring day, had squash training but it was quite fruitful i guess.

kinda like such intense sports.

someone wasnt feeling very good today i do not know the reason why

i guess dun make us worry for you okay?

dont keep anything inside for too long

seems ironic i dont practice wad i preach

i'm kinda feeling numb

seems like there's already no motivation left for me

i feel i dont treat people well enough

i dont have a good character

but i dont know how to change

i seem to keep everything to myself until i got used to it

thats maybe why the hurt has never gone away

alright

cant wait for tmr's soccer match gonna be quite exciting

got so much hwk to do already

bye

2006-05-23T16:00:00.000+08:00

sometimes it makes me wonder on the purpose of you doing this
it may seem a joke to you
laugh all you want but i don't think its funny
i admit i am a sensitive person
i get hurt too easily by people's words
knowingly and unknowingly
and you just jeopardise this relationship
by hurting me badly
dont bring me to the point of despair
i dont want us to become like this

today was basically quite perky, especially in PW hahah the irony of it all.
didnt used to like my group, thought they were a bunch of intellectuals and words coming out from their mouth were philosiphical and droning.but realise they were actually a quirky lot, had fun today discussing creative ideas. we did come up with some adventurous ones, which required a lot of polishing i guess, but did more laughing than work. hahah jacob failed in scaring me today. btw i seem to be returning home earlier by the day, guess i dont have ANY reponsibilities to speak of.really missed the times i used to return home so late from school and nearly died with the pressure, at least it somehow proves my worth.feel kinda useless now,guess i cant change reality.
i can't wait for the soccer match on thurs,its 2 days away.. =)

thanks for being there for me all this while

2006-05-22T17:24:00.000+08:00

not been feeling good these days, perhaps these weeks.
really so many things happening at once
my friendships are gone although they seem to be still there
but I still embrace everyday with a smile
with that same laughter everyone hears everyday
seems like i'm lying to myself
I cant seem to walk out of this
I can control my emotions so well they dun seem to exist anymore
that's when I get scared
but no one there hears me
my family seems to be of ill health lately
mum especially, been sick for some time maybe need to be admitted
really dunno what I'll do if she were gone
I guess that's life, to see failure as a positive thing is easier said that done.

failed too many times before.

I saw him so many times today and seeing him makes me feel a lot better unknowingly why? and totally got scared the hell out by Jacob who scared me by hiding behind a wall and screaming, thanks Jacob. the only thing I'm looking forward to now is watching the match, really can't wait. pray so much that they'll win. And now still have to complete tons of homework so I shall go watch tv now.

Something about the way

You look tonight

Something about the way

that I can't take my eyes off you

Something about the wayYour lips invite

Maybe it's the way that

I get nervous when you're around

and I want you to be mine

And if you need a reason why

It's in the way that you move me

And the way that you tease me

The way that I want you tonight

It's in the way that you hold me

And the way that you know me

When I can't find the right words to say

You feel it in the way

Oh you feel it in the way

Something about howYou stay on my mind

Something about the way that

I whisper your name when I'm asleep

Oh girl Maybe it's the look you get in your eyes

Oh baby it's the way that

It makes me feel to

See you smile

And the reasons they may change

But what I'm feeling stays the same

2006-05-19T18:02:00.000+08:00

okay today was such an exciting day i can't believe it! well the main excitement is that we saw him wheE, like he just perks me up for the day even if i'm feeling so down i feel like crying.hahah he's my sugar rush! ( quote from xiaoxin) i had 2.4 today and unfortunately i failed. alright seems like i'm so used to failure that nothing really bothers me anymore. first it was council then my cca and now even the basics of a napfa test i cant even pass. it all seems the same to me. went out with zhirong malcolm larre cindy constance today, felt so ahs. i guessed i really missed that place. my class which really made my life a much happier one, with all the wonderfull people that i've met and still loving them up till now. really appreciate them. but hahah now i have to move on. i had a good day today la as always.. at least i had motivation during my run..(smiles at jocob) if u know what i meant hahah. yarh gotta go now.

i dunno how to carry on with my life since you've been gone